Things don't always turn out good for me, so when they do, I get scared. I feel like I'm not allowed too much happiness, that it's only borrowed, but lately, I learned to just close my eyes and tell myself I deserve to be happy, too. That I can also allow myself to celebrate for the pieces that fall into the right places. The gray skies that finally cleared.
I may not know what tomorrow brings, but I guess no one really does, anyway. I now choose to celebrate good things while they last.
I never feel bad for the extra love I gave. For the times when I went above and beyond for others, for the times when I still looked at the best in the people who couldn't even see the good in me. But I'm not gonna lie, sometimes, when I watch the rain and loneliness catches up on me, I find myself hoping for that extra love to find their way back to me. I don't care how long or what form it takes. Be it in this life or the next, in one way or another.

Just rain on me.


I always find myself falling in love with how little it takes to disappear. Maybe for just a little while, but it's comforting to know that I can escape the weight of the world when I want to. Like when I go for a short walk or get a cup of coffee alone, or even something as simple as crossing a pedestrian lane and disappearing in the crowd of busy people trying to be millionaires.

It really is my little joy to allow those little moments to remind myself to take a pause. To breathe. To assure my worried heart and lost soul that better things are coming—so I won't let this star go out.

 I feel like .
I feel like most of my life was spent waiting for the wrong people, the right opportunities, and the perfect timing that when I looked around, everyone already got the best of me. I was left behind. The world spins faster than it used to and I'm completely stuck, not knowing where to go.

It's disheartening. I remember telling myself a million times that maybe, I'm just not meant to shine like others do. That maybe I'm just meant to clap at their success, and really, I learned that it isn't too bad if it's for the people you love. But one day, I woke up and realized that I long for the good things in life, too. For the colors. For the days when I can look back and my heart would fill with pride, knowing that despite all the bad days, I finally got where I want to be.

So I took a deep breath. Without anyone cheering, I crossed the unfamiliar road. I looked at what lies in front of me—the entire vastness of uncertainty, and then I braved up, hoping with all my heart that somehow, the universe saved something beautiful just for me.

—
I know that to find out is part of what gives life meaning, but sometimes, I wish I could just cheat and know ahead of time which things weren't meant for me. Not only would it save me a lot of time, it would also save me from losing the pieces of myself that I give to everything I put my heart on.

You see, I love trying. The stars know that I really do. It's just that failures always make me cry, good byes always break me. I just hold on to that little hope in my heart that when I finally got my hands on what the universe wrote for me, every second would feel like an eternity I could play in my head over and over. Because then, I know it would be worth it.